Right now, you're sharing this planet with, oh, approximately seven billion other people. Mind boggling, right? So why on earth (pun intended) did you happen to move next to a guy whose favorite hobby is rising at dawn on Saturday to fine-tune his Harley? Short of leaving flaming bags of excrement on welcome mats, there are more constructive ways to deal with neighbors you love to hate. Our advice ranges from vodka deployment to strategic ignoring. Consider these archetypes ...
Nosy: They've got the rundown on everyone in the neighborhood, and they're in desperate need of a (better) hobby.
Do: Be mindful that anything you say will probably be the rest of the neighborhood's business by tomorrow
Don't: Be afraid to have a little fun with it. Give them a little TMI and maybe they'll stop poking.
Overly Friendly: You see them in the yard and automatically pretend to be on your phone when exiting the vehicle. Their affection is flattering but just too much.
Do: Be courteous ... this is the South after all, y'all.
Don't: Overcompensate in an attempt to return the favor — they might get the impression you actually like them.
Standoffish: The opposite of the above neighbor, these guys keep to themselves and barely say a word.
Do: At least try to make some contact; you never know when you'll need a cup of sugar ... or vodka. Hell, offer them vodka.
Don't: Take it personally. Surely you're not the only person they despise.
One-upper: You've got beautiful plantings? Theirs are prettier. Just added new entrance lighting? They've got a whole new porch in the works.
Do: Ask for advice. If you're going to live next to the next Martha Stewart, you might as well learn a thing or two.
Don't: Go bankrupt trying to compete.
Not watching kids: These people desperately need a nanny, preferrably one that's not you. Telling them to scram just seems a little ... harsh.
Do: Lock the doors. They're coming for you.
Don't: Lace the lemonade with laxatives. That would just be cruel.
Ye metro Atlantans: Got any neighborly advice or general horror stories of your own? Do tell!
— By Curbed Atlanta contributor Jonathan Carnright