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Classic Rants

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In a ferocious letter to the editor, a Georgia Tech student unleashes syntactical wizardry to decry the school's smoking ban and rally his fellow students to commit vandalism. The smoking ban, Jeremiah Hearon writes in Tech's school newspaper, has cost him the "opportunity to tear myself away from the screens that consume all of our lives and enjoy the fresh air and the curling waves pipe and cigar tobacco produce whilst pondering the world's political and cultural realities, our spiritual place in the universe, and the creeping autocratic tendencies of state and local governments as they take liberty after liberty from us in a misguided attempt to make us safe from our poor, yet autonomous life decisions." What's in that pipe, exactly? [Technique]