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'European Sophistication' has More Than One Definition

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The claim that this three-bedroom, three-bath house is "contemporary European sophistication at its finest" can be refuted on a number of levels. The 1987 house is contemporary in the way that The Golden Girls is contemporary, European in the way that the little Eiffel Tower in Vegas is European, and sophisticated in the way that a chimp in overalls is sophisticated. So, no. Maybe it's all of the statues of elephants, wild cats and giraffes, or the earthy color scheme, or the plethora of greenery scattered around the place, but it feels like the broker babble may have confused Europe with Africa. The 1,946-square-foot "estate" asks $825,000 and features a hot tub (of course it does), bidet, expansive outdoor patios and "resort spa style bathrooms." With a few buckets of paint (okay, a whole lot of paint), some serious refinishing (that photo with the stairs!) and fresh decor, it could have serious potential, but is it worth the price?
· 1814 Ardmore Road [Zillow]