This 6,145-square-foot house is holding the eighties captive and wants $2.65 million to release the hostage. The house itself has some rather lovely features — stone fireplaces, exposed beams and enough natural light to have you Walking on Sunshine every day — but the decor needs to Beat It. The television room is Straight Up the worst offender with its Nasty, Cosby Show-esque patterned couch (if circa 1982 Bill Cosby wore one of his trademark sweaters and napped on that thing, you'd never find him), hideous curved orange lounge and a wall hanging that really does Push It when it comes to good taste, the only saving grace is that Things Can Only Get Better for this room, so Relax.
Where does one even go in this day and age to get sculptural tables in the form of little butler guys made of brightly colored metal? Or purple and orange glass sculptures straight out of a Huey Lewis video? The dining room has a trippy, oh-so-meta piece of art featuring people looking at art that's sure to give you Double Vision. The decor is more Funkytown than Glamorous Life, but the good news is that the Bad furnishings are a temporary problem in the otherwise reasonable five-bedroom, 6.5-bath house built in 1910. The house sits on 4.77 acres in Mt. Paran and has enough privacy to make sure you won't have to say, "I always feel like somebody's watching me, and I can't go for that" while you enjoy the pool. In the end, There may be Always Something There to Remind You that some rooms of the house were once eighties time capsules, but Don't Stop Believing that some fresh designs and new finishes could have this place looking modern and elegant in no time.
· 4501 Harris Trail [Zillow]