A day after his hometown team dabbed its way to the Super Bowl, a writer with the appropriately named Charlotte Agenda has penned a column advising Queen City denizens on "How Not to Become Atlanta." The three-step process for Charlotte to achieve greatness without being the region's biggest municipal success story is riddled with the usual anti-ATL banter — and a tired Snowapocalypse dig — about water wars sucking the metro dry and traffic choking off Atlanta's livability. Sure, in hindsight, not extending MARTA into the suburbs was colossally stupid, but labeling it "the single worst mistake in a whole cluster bomb of missteps" goes a little far. Calling Atlanta traffic the "leading deterrent to business recruitment" is probably accurate, but, well, Mercedes. And coming from a writer whose motorcycle was stolen in Atlanta, the unattributed statement, "You're more than twice as likely to have your car stolen in Atlanta than in Charlotte" smacks as a little suspect.